This new year..

This new year, my beloved family, will bring another little gift to our family. I found out in November that I am expecting another child with my boyfriend. Yes, it was unplanned, yes, I am not married to him, yes, I regretted it for a split second.. But looking at the big picture-a life is a blessing. I know my Mom is going to be angry and worried that I decided to announce it like this, but like this child, it has been my choice all along.

I have had the worst heartburn and the worst morning sickness that I've ever known, but I am surviving-and I believe I am through the worst of it. Everyone says it will be a girl.

I know it sounds CRAZY, but I have not been to the doctor yet, but I will go SOON! I could be anywhere from 12-15 weeks along and I can already feel a lot of movement. Due date will be sometime this summer.

Current events include what is happening to my boyfriend right now. He has to leave the country and he cannot come back for sometime. He might miss the birth of our child, but only God knows when it will be OK for him to come back. He did nothing wrong, it's strictly due to his immigration status.

All I am asking for unconditional support from those who know and love me and I am hoping that the judgements stand aside. I never would wish on my worst enemy what is happening to me right now. I am sad, can barely keep it together at work and when I am reminded about my boyfriend, when my friends ask about him, I always get emotional.

Please, I just ask for the best to come out of all of this and I know it is natural for people who don't know the whole story to judge. If anyone has any questions, please don't bother my Mom about it, ask me.

Love you all to the core.

Mom-to-be-again

HELP! WHERE DID 2008 GO?!?!

What a change that a year can make. Seriously..

If I would have known what going to school, finishing school and surviving my Student Loan payments would have gotten me, would I have gone through all the trouble? Yes and no.
Sallie Mae-that bitch, charges me $477.50 a mo to reap the benefits of the money they borrowed me to find my passion at Le Cordon Bleu. And for that, I am grateful for what I learned, but wish that I could win the damn lottery of refinance somewhere else for a better rate..which is kind of like asking for someone to pull the moon down a little closer for me to examine. Hopeless.

Tables have turned for me on many other levels since that amazing day in May when I graduated from a School that I never thought I would go. I am thankful in many ways for the opportunities it has given me on strictly a culinary basis. On every other level, I feel betrayed. See, the great people in the Financial Aid Department at the school told me that I wouldn't have to pay during the time I was going to school. What they left out was that the 12 mos I was active in the classes, my loan was in defferrment. Unbeknownst to me, that was my only year that my loan gave me for emergencies (a.k.a. percious defferrment).. So now, I pay my 477.50, along with all sorts of other things, my rent and daycare..knowing that I can never for any reason stop paying with permission, until it's done.
The Cafe on the bottom floor at work employs a woman who went to Le Cordon Bleu back in 2003 I believe. I asked her what she does to stay sane, she says she pays as much as she can, when she can: using her tax money to help her loan come down faster, even though at the time that she went to school, her price was not even half of what they quoted me.

Still, she suffers right along with all of us, with her own financial problems, paying and paying until our eyes bug out of our heads..but we can't dare miss a payment, or it's coming right out of our payroll. I feel like I'm paying for a Cadillac Escalade that I will NEVER SEE! Which is kind of ironic because what I do at work everyday is to remind people of the bills that they don't "have" to really pay-cars that were repossesed, that they don't have anymore, are on their credit, that were picked up from their driveways or at work, and resold within a month.

So here I am, stuck in this seat due to my financial jail cell, making exactly what I need to make to survive, to pay my loan and to have a bit of money left over for gas to get to work.

What will this new year bring? Sigh..

Stuck in a cubicle, again..

What can I say?? I gave in again to the debt collection world. I try to be the 'helpful one' 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. That's right-business hours. Working exactly where I worked when I was pregnant with Jonathan, 5 years ago. The restaurant I was at was going down, and I had to give my 2 weeks before I sunk with them. It truly broke my heart. I adore my chef and I feel horrible. But when I had to wait weeks to cash my payroll checks, I knew it was time.
Now I'm at a place that puts my hard earned money, right where it belongs, every two weeks like clockwork. It doesn't last, of course-but such is life.
I'm not throwing my cooking away at all, I'm perfecting at home, what will someday be a catering business- big or small. That is my aspiration more than renting at an outrageous price, to sell food at outrageous prices, to make ends meet.
Not my idea of paradise.


Til next time-
The Chef

GREAT SUCCESS!!

Amongst everything else that is going on right now in my life, I have completed Culinary school! With high honors no less!! A sincere thank you all for believing in me and helping me reach my goal. I will keep you updated on other happenings now that I have my new degree!

Love,
Em

New phase of the internship..a happier one! :)

Last Monday after coming back to the cities from a weekend excursion, I went to work. I ironed my uniform in the locker room, and got myself ready for a night of service. The AM Sous Chef poked her head in and asked to speak with me. She led me out into the empty dining room to a table, where my Executive Chef and PM Sous Chef sat. It took them only a few short minutes for me to realize how much I have learned from my first restaurant experience, and that the frist ever professional culinary experience was now over. I learned so much, and I will take my knowledge with me. What I learned can never be replaced, and I thank the family and friends that I will keep from my time there. I feel that in many ways, the timing lacked heart, but this is my first step up the staircase to the beginning of my career. Ironically, my last post was written the night before it happened. It just proves how fast things can change. In an industry like this, nothing is truly certain.

Fortunately, with my soon-to-be Le Cordon Bleu Certificate, I landed a new job, starting the following Friday, making more than I had at my previous restaurant.

I really love it at my new home : a restaurant not even a year old in downtown Minneapolis!

I took this picture with my cell at work today: it pretty much sums it up!!



"Success is brewing"

Trials and Tribulations of the Internship

Tomorrow I will meet the almost-halfway mark of my internship for school. 7 weeks to go!! So far I have worked the two stations I am used to the most: PM Prep/Food runner, and pantry. Most recently I have worked in the exposition kitchen in the bar: Lovingly referred to as the O-Bar or oyster bar, where all the happy hour hot appetizers are made. This station always used to scare me, but now it's beginning to be second nature. I have to start an hour earlier than normal now, but get there an hour and a half early. My first couple of days training made me realize how VERY small this area is for two people having to cross in front of each other dozens of times during the night. I was later told that it's much easier to be alone, once you got the hang of it.
A day in the life of the O-bar for me, now that I have worked out there for 3 weeks, goes a little something like this: Arrive at 1:45pm, iron my uniform and change, then from 2 to 3:30 I load every possible thing I need on a cart which I have to push up an incline and through 2 doors to get from the kitchen to the O-bar. I make 2 trips, and have to load food in one load and plates etc. in the next. Did I mention that there are things along the way that will trigger the cart to fall, tip, or for things to fall off and in turn I could fall or trip on?
I have to be technically set up at 3:30pm for Happy Hour to start at 4. As the night goes on, I feel less and less prepared as I start running out of things and have to call for help or have a server or manager send a list back to the kitchen of anything I need. I try to keep tabs on everything, but when someone is out helping me, they are taking care of the fried items/oyster end and I have the stove and oven end and am plating most of the things, it's hard to know waht I do run out of. From 4 to 6 is technically "happy hour" but it can go from 3:15pm to 8:30pm.. Every day is different. Everyday I get better. Everyday I ask the Sous Chef for his "honest" opinion of my performance. Everyday he says something else. I feel like it's not an easy station and I will only get better with time. After 8 months working there and perfecting my skills on the other stations I know, I know that I will have this down only in a matter of time.
A month ago I had barely ever worked a fryer before, not in a professional setting, and I have never had a stove or oven of my own to worry about: besides the ones at home. I feel like they should be a little easier on me and realize that I have to get used to it, but knowing the volume of people that go there a night, and the demand of the ticket timings, it makes me feel like it's not my place to be demanding. 8 minutes per ticket, by the way, is the "goal." It's a feasable goal for someone who likes to be quick and careless and likes to get burnt and splashed with hot butter or oil on a daily basis. Not me. My sous chef is surprised that my arms and hands are not plastered with burns and marks from hot oil. I told him that I can't get hurt: I have a kid to take care of and left it at that. Nobody understands that very well, because barely anyone has kids, or a significant other for that matter. Oh yeah, and I am the only female cook that works during the PM shift. Must count for something, I just wished it counted for patience from them.
My night ends when it ends, but I am supposed to be done at 10pm, which is possible 95% of the time. I am trying to be the miracle worker they want, but when I sweat before my shift starts from lugging everything out there and trying to get set up "on time", I feel like they are asking a bit too much. I didn't feel this way working other stations. We shall see what the future brings...

To another day well spent away from work, only to go back to more self-improvement tomorrow in the O-bar.

Hard at work and NO MORE CLASSES!!

Okay, everyone needs to try and forgive me for not having time or energy to write anything. These last couple months have been very scary, emotional and HEAVY DUTY for me. Now I Can say that I am done with classes as of the 21st and I am so glad! The last two classes were the hardest, first set, we were in the restaurant at school waiting tables. It gave me a new appreciation for waitstaff - for sure! And the last class was Back of the House, or BOH, where we got a taste of what it COULD be like in a real restaurant. With a capacity of 50, the restaurant was surprisingly busy, due to the time of year. At work, I am used to 250-350+ a night, and have trained myself with the mentality - GET ER DONE.
I chose to do my internship at my current job because I want to see how far it will go - and if I wouldn't have gotten a job there early, they would have never paid me my internship! With a child and bills, I could have never afforded to do what some people in my class are doing: working for free! One guy in my class went to the Playboy Mansion: Nice!




I'm not gonna lie, I will miss every single person that I met doing this! There are so many great new memories to cherish, and friends that I will keep in touch with forever!