Bigger than ever

Howdy folks.. it seems as though I should update everyone>> First-my belly this week: 10 weeks to go!

Muy GRANDE, eh?

I keep telling myself that I only have X amount of weeks to go..but I am really counting down the paychecks.

My employer has only decided to offer me Short term disability, which will be a ...500 dollar a month pay cut..roughly. So I guess since that is my daycare budget a month, and Jonathan will be with me - so it just might work?? And I wont be having "cravings" anymore.. so that factors in money that I won't be spending at Taco Bell, Dairy Queen and a local gyro place that I can't get enough of!!! I'm also going to call up my student loan place and see if they can't help me by either lowering my payment even more, or making it disappear for the first calendar year of the birth of my baby-like they did for someone I know who went to LCB too... we shall see.

Update on baby daddy? Well, lets just say, I've been "had" in the worst possible way that I could ever imagine happening to ANY woman ever.
I think I said it best in my Facebook note:
In this case, I was under the assumption that the person that is the father of my baby on the way was single. Boy, was I wrong-and here I am-after he was deported in early March-i found out in a very cruel way how much his wife really meant to him. Ever able to forgive something so monumental? You decide.

The baby I will give birth to sometime in the next 3 months will not only be a blessing, a choice, but a link to a person that doesn't deserve to be named here.

In the future it will be my decision to tell him what happened with his Daddy-but how to explain something so complicated. But like everything with this baby-it will be solely my choice.

So here I am-frightened to death, knowing I have loved ones who are here to help and support me through all this madness. But who will be there when baby cries at 3 am? Me. Who will be there to answer the baby when he's old enough to ask why his Dad isn't around? Me. Who will plan and execute every single solitary Birthday party? Me. Who's income will be supporting this creature? Besides WIC, and food stamps eventually...Me. Who will grow to be proud of him for who he is and what he will stand for because she knows him inside and out? Absolutely and positively ONLY Me. And that, my friends, couldnt make me happier! Thats how this last couple months has been. Not only recognizing and accepting my future with a new little boy in addition to my existing soon-to-be 6 year old, but learning to love it.

I'm not gonna lie, I wasnt feeling that excited about this pregnancy after I found out all the details of the father; making me despise ever meeting him..but knowing that I will keep the best part of him all to myself, to enjoy all by myself is liberating.

After all, I will soon have two little amazing boys.. that will love me and respect me not only for who I am, but for what I help make of them.

Constant whirlwind of change!!

This blog entry is going to be colorful because my son is on my lap ;-)

So when I think that the world is finally going to crash in on me, I receive word from my BF finally. I'm still not happy with him after we spoke, but at least I know he's alive.

Sometimes I think, How could he?!? But then I get jolted back into my reality, and honestly feel better without his drama around me. He's where he started and that's that. Maybe he doesn't want to come back-maybe he does?.. all he says he needs is "time." I wish he could be more specific instead of giving me this vague "time" bullshit.

But since this blog is not focused on what is happening with the baby's father and more about the baby-let's get to that!

I had my Level II ultra sound on Monday morning and finally found out that what I have been concerned about for the past 3 weeks-The Choriod Plexus Cyst-is gone!! The baby looks fine, is growing normally and measures about 1 pound and 1 ounce and 21 weeks and 5 days.

Here's what I look like so far....

It's always difficult to sleep, and my dreams are more vivid than I ever remembered..Here's what the little dude looks like: He's pointing at what I think is his other arm, or leg..Here is the other pic: I actually saw the baby's retina outlines too-it was very creepy looking-haha. This is his face with his eyelids sealed together. Both are very E.T.-ish, huh?

Here's the main man in my life: always bringing on the charm.. He's super excited about being a BIG BROTHER!

Ultra Sound this Thursday..

I am sweating about everything now!! I just want things to go right for this new addition to our lives. I am excited about the Ultra Sound because I want to know exactly what's making my mood swing as much as it has been.

Size comparison? I look like I did when I was 6 mos along with Jonathan. Scary! Makes me think I have 2 in here. (That will be answered too on Thursday) If not, I'll just get a lot more stretch marks than before :-(

I will upload a pic of the Ultra Sound ASAP.

This new year..

This new year, my beloved family, will bring another little gift to our family. I found out in November that I am expecting another child with my boyfriend. Yes, it was unplanned, yes, I am not married to him, yes, I regretted it for a split second.. But looking at the big picture-a life is a blessing. I know my Mom is going to be angry and worried that I decided to announce it like this, but like this child, it has been my choice all along.

I have had the worst heartburn and the worst morning sickness that I've ever known, but I am surviving-and I believe I am through the worst of it. Everyone says it will be a girl.

I know it sounds CRAZY, but I have not been to the doctor yet, but I will go SOON! I could be anywhere from 12-15 weeks along and I can already feel a lot of movement. Due date will be sometime this summer.

Current events include what is happening to my boyfriend right now. He has to leave the country and he cannot come back for sometime. He might miss the birth of our child, but only God knows when it will be OK for him to come back. He did nothing wrong, it's strictly due to his immigration status.

All I am asking for unconditional support from those who know and love me and I am hoping that the judgements stand aside. I never would wish on my worst enemy what is happening to me right now. I am sad, can barely keep it together at work and when I am reminded about my boyfriend, when my friends ask about him, I always get emotional.

Please, I just ask for the best to come out of all of this and I know it is natural for people who don't know the whole story to judge. If anyone has any questions, please don't bother my Mom about it, ask me.

Love you all to the core.

Mom-to-be-again

Shorty swing my way...

Holy SHORT Batman! 10 inches was a lot!! Oh well, it's all for the folks at Locks of Love. In my case, it will grow back.

I got bangs too, but they are pinned back because they are shorter than I was ready for :'-( Or could it be that I have to get used to them? *sigh*

I have school tomorrow.

Damn, that sounds weird.

Last day of work, last day of daycare, last weekend of long hair.

Quickly, before I hit the sheets:

Today was my last day temping in the Real Estate Dept of a GRREAT Company assisting the Secretary of the VP of RE. Great gig, too bad I decided on morning classes for school. On Wednesday I had an interview at an interpreting agency, and later that afternoon, I was called and was told that I did great on the exams and I was to attend their oreintation the next day! I did, and I got interpreting work right away (that was last night) and I got called 3 times today. Two ER deals, which I couldn't take, because I wanted to finish out my last day at my job..and 2 clinic appointments for next week, which I said yes to. The great thing about this company is that the flow of work is consistent, but not too overwhelming, because I can accept, or deny anything that is offered. This job was my first pick, an I got it! I couldn't be happier.

J's daycare was also the last day for him today, which is always a struggle. It's more of a struggle when he tells you that he knows where he's going while I'm at work, but doesn't want to go. Fortunatley, at this new place he will start Monday when I start school, he has friends there already and when I went to check out the place, he didn't want to leave. (always a good sign) And the ladies there are friendly and great listeners and intelligent (Great sign) and I got positive feedback from them before I even got there from one of my buddies who takes his daughters there. (bonus!)

Oh and about my hair.. I am donating it again, and I hope that the 10 inches doesn't leave me bald! Ha! Actually, I have some ideas about how I want it...check it out

Here is me today..looking pale, tired and sick. Blah! Anyways..my hair is pretty long, right??





Well..this might be how it will look after this weekend........


Can you tell we are related?? hehehe








Or........

Can you tell we went to the same High School??

This is Jessica Ecklund (married name)..Many of you might recognize her as the Pharmacist's daughter of LS? Graduated with my sis Melissa? Anyways, this pic was featured in the December issue of Oprah magazine. The artice was about makeovers, which she really didn't need..but they did do the CHOP.

You can see what her hair DID look like at:

http://www.jessicaecklund.com


Anyways, I'll post my new hair-do after I do it.

Nitey-Night.