The last couple years. :-)

Big changes, HUGE. 

It just dawned on me that I may have not added anything to this blog in.. I don't know, FOREVER?

Looks like I was right! 

Here they are, my boys: Timothy, Jeremiah and Jonathan.

  and me and Roy <3> 


More to come...(not kids, just blogs, lol)

Cooking, Working, Changing Diapers, REPEAT,...

Here we are in October and it's almost Halloween! Jonathan is going to be Captain Jack Sparrow this year, and Timmy will probably go as a cute baby in a skeleton onesie ;-) I bought him a pumpkin costume, but his legs are too long for it now.

Recent Happenings:

I went back to work after 3 months off with the new baby! Yay! Jonathan started 1st Grade this year and God bless his poor teacher,..one of the things I warned her about before school started was that he has been pent up with me, Grandma and the baby since little baby Timmy came in July. Poor kid. We would all go places occasionally, but it was too hot to take walks a lot of the time, and other days we were all sleeping in shifts, so , whomever would be awake would be trying to entertain Jonathan. :-(

Since going back to work on Oct. 5th, things are finally starting to become a working, but mostly unbearable routine. Mom quit her job to watch the kids, so she is with me from Mon-Fri, and sometimes Saturday. On a daily basis: I pump at work in the morning, bring that milk home at noon, feed the baby and eat simultaneously, get back to work, pump in the afternoon and bring that milk home at night. My lunch is 45 min long, and it takes me 10-12 minutes to get home. It's been wear and tear on my car and myself, but on the bright side-it's for a very good reason!!

I'm interviewing for 2 jobs this week, hoping that one of the two is a better fit, because besides my current job's 45 minute lunches, the hours aren't very "family friendly" at all. SO, gimmie a 9-5, and pay me a dollar more...or gimmie a 7-3 and give me a 401k with profit sharing, and I'm yours..
At the place I'm at, they charge 1100.00 a MONTH for Health insurance and their 401k only matches half of 2% - for those of you who have 401k, you know that sucks if you have kids and you can't afford to put much in every pay period.. So, I don't have a 401k or Health Insurance through my job (obviously), but would LOVE to work for a place that appreciated me in more ways than an hourly paycheck.

So I'm moving on... hopefully by mid-November. Yeah, maybe I'll drive a little farther but I will be HAPPIER and MORE ENTHUSED about coming in to work everyday, especially if they offer hour lunches!!

When your life outside of work is stressful, it's nice to know that a job doesn't have to be THAT stressful also.

Adios

The New Addition: Timmy

Here he is! Almost 2 months old already! Timothy Ayden Born July 11th 21 inches long 8 pounds 7.5 ounces

Bigger than ever

Howdy folks.. it seems as though I should update everyone>> First-my belly this week: 10 weeks to go!

Muy GRANDE, eh?

I keep telling myself that I only have X amount of weeks to go..but I am really counting down the paychecks.

My employer has only decided to offer me Short term disability, which will be a ...500 dollar a month pay cut..roughly. So I guess since that is my daycare budget a month, and Jonathan will be with me - so it just might work?? And I wont be having "cravings" anymore.. so that factors in money that I won't be spending at Taco Bell, Dairy Queen and a local gyro place that I can't get enough of!!! I'm also going to call up my student loan place and see if they can't help me by either lowering my payment even more, or making it disappear for the first calendar year of the birth of my baby-like they did for someone I know who went to LCB too... we shall see.

Update on baby daddy? Well, lets just say, I've been "had" in the worst possible way that I could ever imagine happening to ANY woman ever.
I think I said it best in my Facebook note:
In this case, I was under the assumption that the person that is the father of my baby on the way was single. Boy, was I wrong-and here I am-after he was deported in early March-i found out in a very cruel way how much his wife really meant to him. Ever able to forgive something so monumental? You decide.

The baby I will give birth to sometime in the next 3 months will not only be a blessing, a choice, but a link to a person that doesn't deserve to be named here.

In the future it will be my decision to tell him what happened with his Daddy-but how to explain something so complicated. But like everything with this baby-it will be solely my choice.

So here I am-frightened to death, knowing I have loved ones who are here to help and support me through all this madness. But who will be there when baby cries at 3 am? Me. Who will be there to answer the baby when he's old enough to ask why his Dad isn't around? Me. Who will plan and execute every single solitary Birthday party? Me. Who's income will be supporting this creature? Besides WIC, and food stamps eventually...Me. Who will grow to be proud of him for who he is and what he will stand for because she knows him inside and out? Absolutely and positively ONLY Me. And that, my friends, couldnt make me happier! Thats how this last couple months has been. Not only recognizing and accepting my future with a new little boy in addition to my existing soon-to-be 6 year old, but learning to love it.

I'm not gonna lie, I wasnt feeling that excited about this pregnancy after I found out all the details of the father; making me despise ever meeting him..but knowing that I will keep the best part of him all to myself, to enjoy all by myself is liberating.

After all, I will soon have two little amazing boys.. that will love me and respect me not only for who I am, but for what I help make of them.

Constant whirlwind of change!!

This blog entry is going to be colorful because my son is on my lap ;-)

So when I think that the world is finally going to crash in on me, I receive word from my BF finally. I'm still not happy with him after we spoke, but at least I know he's alive.

Sometimes I think, How could he?!? But then I get jolted back into my reality, and honestly feel better without his drama around me. He's where he started and that's that. Maybe he doesn't want to come back-maybe he does?.. all he says he needs is "time." I wish he could be more specific instead of giving me this vague "time" bullshit.

But since this blog is not focused on what is happening with the baby's father and more about the baby-let's get to that!

I had my Level II ultra sound on Monday morning and finally found out that what I have been concerned about for the past 3 weeks-The Choriod Plexus Cyst-is gone!! The baby looks fine, is growing normally and measures about 1 pound and 1 ounce and 21 weeks and 5 days.

Here's what I look like so far....

It's always difficult to sleep, and my dreams are more vivid than I ever remembered..Here's what the little dude looks like: He's pointing at what I think is his other arm, or leg..Here is the other pic: I actually saw the baby's retina outlines too-it was very creepy looking-haha. This is his face with his eyelids sealed together. Both are very E.T.-ish, huh?

Here's the main man in my life: always bringing on the charm.. He's super excited about being a BIG BROTHER!

Could anything else be happening right now!?!

Today..

I can't get comfortable, can't eat anything that makes me feel full, and here I am typing at 10:30pm. It's past my bedtime. I felt strange all day. My boyfriend told me that if he didn't call from where he is being held; it's because he wasn't going to be there. Sure enough, he is now in immigration's hands, and being ready to be deported. I have mixed feelings about all of this. I know what our future plans are, but being pregnant alone was never one of them. I haven't been able to touch my boyfriend since January 16th at 9pm. Last kiss until God knows when. I wasn't even showing yet.

Rewind to yesterday..

I had my second checkup with the midwives and they gave me a new due date: July 14th. They also told me that they found something during the Ultra Sound. I never thought Ultra Sounds had results-until now. Little Timothy Joseph has a "Choroid Plexus Cyst" on the right side of his brain.
They also told me not to worry. I'm not sure who they realize who they are talking to!?! I am pregnant!! I worry about today, about tomorrow, about the birth, about stretchmarks, about if I am feeling kicking or not, I worry about umbilical cords, amniotic fluid supply..EVERYTHING!
I passed the Quad screen-which is the test for Down Syndrome and Spinabifida..and that was all fine and dandy. But with this cyst, it could mean that there is a Chromosome imbalance, which is VERY scary. But, they don't want me to worry.. interesting.


Back to today..

I feel kicking all the time and I don't want to think about my unborn child having any problems that they are going to have to wait until he is born to thoroughly diagnose him with anything. For now, they ordered that I have another Ultra Sound that will determine if that cyst is gone or not. It usually goes away in the third trimester. I am 20 weeks right now.

Here is a profile of the (first) Ultra Sound - -
Please pray for us..

Emily-
J-
J-
baby-

Ultra Sound this Thursday..

I am sweating about everything now!! I just want things to go right for this new addition to our lives. I am excited about the Ultra Sound because I want to know exactly what's making my mood swing as much as it has been.

Size comparison? I look like I did when I was 6 mos along with Jonathan. Scary! Makes me think I have 2 in here. (That will be answered too on Thursday) If not, I'll just get a lot more stretch marks than before :-(

I will upload a pic of the Ultra Sound ASAP.